Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Take me to Wonderland.

I want to be your doll.
Once upon a time, you used to carry me around, keep me warm at night, play with me, love me. I belonged to you, and I felt protected.
Take me to wonderland, because I'm the girl who knows a lot about everything but can't make sense of anything. Maybe in a realm where nothing is supposed to make sense, in fact, it is supposed to be nonsense... I would be at peace with it.
Bring me eccentric characters and good luck charms.
Take me to the datura tea party and sing me a lullaby.
Skip the twins, I've had enough of stupid, quarrelsome boys.
Where is my wise and disturbing Cheshire Cat?
Where is my Mad Hatter?
My White Knight in Shining armour?
Hearts and cards, tea and gentlemen, insanity and logic BEFUDDLE a cunt so that whilst I'm trippin' balls I AM the Cheshire Cat for six hours.
They're painting me a white rabbit at the top of the rabbit hole. Down we go.
Let me be your Alice.
I want to meet a rather violent and slightly insane gentleman who will make me know I am his, his possession. I want to be your doll. I want someone to show me power, control and protection.
Clocks and teacups... Mirrors and chess pieces... Rabbits and roses.
LSD has become too real. It won't take me to Wonderland anymore. All it will do now is try and break The Wall.
I want a world where people talk funny. Where they say 'm'lady' and 'delightful' and 'top of the morning t'ya' and 'how do you do, good sir?'.
Top hats and vests, corsets and laces, ties and pinifolds.
Why are these urges so frustrating? Wonderland and The OtherRealms...So frustrating because they are completely unessecary. I'M ALWAYS GOING TO BE STUCK HERE. AND WHEN I DIE, I'M NOT GOING SOME PLACE BETTER. I'M FUCKED. THERE IS NO BETTER PLACE, NO CONCIOUSNESS FOR ME TO ACHIEVE, NO FUCKING EXIT.
Death may be another episode on Earth. Death may be a time to feed maggots. Death will not be fancy hats and crazy gentlemen... What the fuck am I trying to achieve here?
I don't want to be human.
I don't want to exist in this body, this world.
But I do want to exist.
Just not here, like this.

1 comment:

  1. Maybe You've met the chesire cat.
    but maybe you're not his alice.
    Maybe... I'm stuck in this looking glass.
    but as far as I'm free to decide...
    She's my Alice.
    but the Nicotene Underground can still be your Wonderland.
    Just let it know if you want in.
    By knocking on the door.
    There's no password - the door's unlocked.