Monday, December 28, 2009


I hope you can hold your breath.
Underwater. The scene fades away when the splash of your sinking body is all that can be heard. Fully submerged, clawing at his chest, back, arms, flailing. Gasp. Surface.
And before I can call him all kinds of bad things, I'm under again, and again, water seeping into my pores, gasping for air, slashing at him, slashing at anything. I emerge, finally, cling to him, recovering, and then attempt to push him under. Whoosh. Gone.
His figure disappears beneath the surface and reappears beside me, once more taking ahold of my resenting form and sending me below again, hearing his sadistic laughter between struggled breaths.
"All right, all right, I'm wet already, fuck you!".
I stand in the center of the water mass, dripping. My bra is tattered, and I clutch at my white Jim Morrison t-shirt in frustration, clambering out of the pool. He wraps his towl around me, rolls me a cigarette and pours me a drink of only the finest, warmest bourbon.
Not a sore loser, are you?", he jests opposite the table, where the others laugh behind their glasses at my disastarous state.

It began roughly 40 minutes ago, my easily-amused mind quite occupied with the stacking of empty beer bottles.Seeing this game to his liking, he tested his skills, his towers always falling and bringing mine down in a terrifying cresendo which I feared would always end with eyeballs scraped from shards of glass.
Once this game grew tiresom, or more, pissed too many others off, he amused himself in throwing random objects in my direction. Frowning, I returned the objects, eventually devisiing a 'secret plan', and returning with water bombs, pelting them at his surprised frame. When I returned with second rounds, he was well prepared, hose in one hand, large bottle of water in the other. On top of this, my aim grew poor. I was successful in attacking his torso, however.
You just wanted me to take my shirt off, didn't you?
I snorted at this, and dashed within the safety of the house for a usable bottle, filling it up with water and reciprocating his splashes. Eventually, he bolted to the poolside, and I shrieked in frustration as my bottle fell in the pool, leaving me defenseless.
I took one look at my already wet form, shrugged my shoulders and dove in the pool, now in a perfect battle zone, sending armfuls of water at him as he fought with his shoes. And then he was in the water beside me, and then I was under the water, and then I had all limbs wrapped around him, trying to force him underwater...
I hope you can hold your breath...

Later, and I'm just chillin' on the couch, but it appears he has made it his life goal to annoy me. Poke. Poke.
I raise my hand and bring my nails across his flesh in a haggard slash. I hear the other males warn him not to take me on. I grin, nails and teeth sharp and furious.
It doesn't take him long to be on top of me, holding me down in some fucked up form of dominance, leering at me as I try to sink my teeth into him, just once and he's regret this, just once. I manage a few good scratches, watching them fill with blood.
And allof a sudden, there are arms and legs and heads all around me, as every male in the room decides to help. Help him.
"Fuck off, I'm already struggling as it is!".
I simply refuse to yeild, taking the pain as it comes, trying to get a mouthful of his arm, his chest, his neck, anything to make him yelp in pain as I riiiiiip skin. He's got my fingers in a tight grip, twisting them back.
"If you break something, I will kill you", I hiss behind gritted teeth.
"I won't, I won't, I'm just proving that I can manipulate you in this hold".
He adjusts his grip. I've seen this one before. I exhale, deja-vu.
My neck sidles up with the couchhead, my arms twisted uncomfortably across my chest, neck in unnatural pain. Eventually, he releases me and I huff.

By the end of the hour, two of the other males have had a go at me, one managing to take a large and painful bite directly between neck and shoulder, in that favored dent. Twice. The other, a well built male at that, attempts some sort of hold from behind, and surprising the onlookers, I lift him onto my back and toss him off of me. He captured me in a chokehold, and this is where I bite. In.
I drag him across the room by meerly my mouth, tasting blood in my mouth. He tickles me, and still I hold tight, laughing with a mouthful of flesh. He attempts all things, but my grip is firm. I feel my teeth shift in further, and understanding I am near to taking a chunk out, I release, to be met with his teeth.
By dawn, the bite he left on me is a faint, but large bruise, whilst my bite is a evil looking puncture wound.

I dart to the corner of the room, curling up on the couch, snarling at everyone, clutching my kitten to my breast.
Come sit between us, my original combat partner says, patting the spot between himself and the well-built biter.
You can sit on my lap, says the biter.
My original combat partner extends his arms, pouting. I merely his from my seat. "You all suck!", I call, keeping my eyes trained on each one of them.

I have never had more fun whilst in such pain! :D

Scream of the butterfly...

A creature made of sunshine
Her eyes were like the sky
Rabbit howls like something old as we twitch to her lullaby
The scalpel shines in god's sunshine
Street lights whisper pain
Down here near the poison stream our god has gone insane

She smiles like a child with flowers in her hair
With blood on her hands into the sun she stares
She feels it die, I heard her cry

Like the scream of the butterfly

Sunshine a house in flames
She likes it where she gets it but it's never felt the same
Surgery in the house of dissection
When your candle burns out I will resurrect you
She runs through fields of daisies
Yeah it's just a shame that they eat their own babies
Who cares cause the air is free
When you get there will you kiss the dead for me?

There's blood on the moon and the summer is cold
There's love in the room but baby that's gettin' old
There's blood on my face sittin' on a dead shore
A highway of emptiness and I'm gettin' bored
There's blood on the moon as we plan our escape
The goddess in bloom, handcuffed and raped
There's blood in the bathtub, baby, murder the king
There's blood on the moon
There's blood on just about everything

Sunshine a house in flames
She likes it where she gets it but it's never felt the same
Surgery in the house of dissection
When your candle burns out I will resurrect you
She runs through fields of daisies
Yeah it's just a shame that they eat their own babies
Who cares? 'Cause the air is free
When you get there will you kiss the dead for me?

Something cold is forced inside her
A tear spills down her cheek
Stillborn songs of a dead dreamer
Hymns of the needle freak
With sunlight in her hair she smiles like she don't care
Her dreams are liquid blue
I cut myself again and again to remind myself of you

She smiles like a child with flowers in her hair
With blood on her hands into the sun she stares
She feels it die, I heard her cry

Like the scream of the butterfly

I met an angel with a sawed-off shotgun
Wanted by the FBI
We dropped some acid, killed our parents
Then we hit the road

Like the scream of the butterfly

NtS 7.6

Paperback novella. Note to self 7.6.
  • I have little time.
  • Time has little ol' me.
  • Hanging by threads, scissors wavering closer.
  • Abandon your friends.
  • I'd rather hurt someone then hurt myself.
  • Always care about yourself, because no one else ever will.
  • Don't bother speaking, no on listens anyway.
  • Nothing you think will ever matter.
  • Suicide is pointless.
  • Love is a myth.
  • Don't look back.
  • Never, ever attach yourself.
  • Avoid love at all costs.
  • Never judge a book by it's cover.
  • My addictions have no boundries.
  • I fell in love with a demon, for sure.
  • Time shows us, we all know the truth, in time.
  • I can light the way.
  • Happiness is feighned, smiles are faked.
  • Everything is pointless.
  • There's blood on just about everything.
  • Females suck.
  • Memories don't lie.
  • I'm not crazy.
  • God is a lie.
  • Everything is uncertain, bar my uncertainty.
  • I love you.
  • I hate you.
  • I'll kill you.
  • I'll kill me.
  • I'll kill the whole world.
  • Love is pointless.

End of story.

Why females suck.

"Ohai, wake me up if my phone rings, or just let it ring out, kay?"
-Female friend answers phone, neglects to tell friend WHO IT WAS THAT CALLED when it was a very important call from someone friend doesn't hear from a lot, AND NEGLECTS to even tell friend WHAT WAS SAID-.

"Ohai, could you set an alarm on your phone for six, and wake me up,I have a very important mission to complete, meeting up with a dear friend I haven't seen in many, many months and probably won't if I don't today".
"Sure, I understand how important this is for you, and don't worry, we can stay here another night because I WILL wake you up".
-Wakes up at 1o, with simply two hours to get ready, get to traino, get to Freo from Kelmscott, call dear friend, arrange meeting-

"Ohai, could you baby-sit my cat for mewhilst I'm in Freo? It's hot as fuck and I don't want him stuck in his bag in the heat. Could we arrange a time/place forme to get him back because my phone is off?"
"Sure I can, don't worry about it. we'll sort something out. Call my house phone, I'll be there. Have an interesting day!"
-Arrives at friends house, after trying to call a few times, no sight of said friend, makes another call, is told friend is in CENTRAL PARK with CAT who has LIMITED FOOD in his bag, surrounded by DRUG-FUCKED, AGGRESSIVE NOHOPERS-.

Females, in short, are selfish WITCHES with no respect for your privacy, who NEVER LISTEN, who lie to your face, who DISRESPECT your feelings, USE YOU SENSELESS and then ABANDON YOU after making you feel bad for something THEY DID.
Also, they believe because they've done good by you in the past, that this excuses all new mistakes and fuck-ups. They weild blades and bare fangs and say things like "Oh, well I did -insert good deed which you were grateful for and repaid somewhat- for you, so this means I shoudl be forgiven for all the awful things I have just done".
Females think they know everyone so well, and like to speak for them. They are hypocrites who can't admit to their mistakes, never see the other side of an arguement and quickly point out everyone elses flaws, all up on their high horses with some apathetic facade, because since they're young and pretty, other people simply DO NOT MATTER, they get exactly as they want AND can get away with anything.

Dirty, little sluts. Why do females ALWAYS fuck me over?

I've never liked them.

Apologies to WOMEN out there, I just have no time for little girls.


Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Ladder 46 + 2

Small fish
mexican walking fish

Da Vinci
Hippie in the seventies
Modern age man
Future man

High technology alien
Aldous Huxley
Divine Entity
Albert Hoffman

All of the above in one.

After... (5/10/08)

We're going away for a little while.
I felt I should pack but I've got nothing left.
Nothing is for certain.
The only thing I can believe is my disbelief.
I don't know how we got here.
I don't know where here is.
It could be anywhere in the world,
But it still feels like no where.
My head is so heavy...
But I'm out of my mind.
I'm glad that you can see me,
Because I no longer can.
You think you know everything,
But you don't know how I feel.
My mind is racing,
Should I not be tired?
Here is where it falls apart.
The vultures will feed well tonight.

Drug-Fucked. (8/1/09)

Starting with a little dose,
Scene kid fucked off benzo,
Streets filled with the dealing of dope,
City with headspace and bodystoned.

Ketamine, Codeine,
Morphine, Tryptamines.
One more set of amphetamines,
Breakfast of caffeine and nicotine.

Heroin, opium, now I need some Aspirin.
Ritalin, Vicodin, Mescaline with Mexicans.
DXM, Valium, all these fucking hallucinogens.
Blacking out, flipping out, needle full of adrenalin.

DMT, LSD, GHB, Ecstacy.
Shitty speed and nosebleeds,
Diet of weed and peyote,
Half-way through this fucking sheet!

Smoke that shit, smoke that crack.
Hiding all the needle tracks.
Feasting on bunch of tabs,
I just got another ten-stack!

What's in the vial?
I don't care.
Zombie style,
Smokin' gear.

Prescription meds.

Magic mushrooms,
Railing cocaine,
Feed me Novocaine.

Wheres my stash?
Need more hash.
I'm on everything,
I'm fucking trashed.

Stimulants, Depressants,
Fucking inhalants,
Too many psychedelics,
Find me some narcotics.

Leaving with a bottle,
Coming home drunk,
Fingering crystals,
Feeling fucked.

I'm gurning,
I'm candy flipping,
Powder, bong, needle, joint, pill,
Anything to get me tripping.

Pulling cones, red eyes.
Coming down, glazed eyes.
Got fired from work for looking wrecked,
Need to stick to legal highs.

Weekend on salvia,
Weekend on datura,
Medic addict,
Find me liquids.

Losing weight, more sleep.
Wake up with hangovers and my memory gone.
Buzzing like fuck, less sleep.
Bruised armed and scattered, I write this song.

In this Moment (8/26/08)

What are you staring at so intently?
The reflection in the water is of us.
Avert your eyes, for it is only us in the lake.
Well? Just look at us!
Do you think us beautiful?
They all do, let's see what makes them all so jealous.
And what do you see?
Oh, we are the masterpiece. Now I can finally see.
And what do you see?
Your eyes are like ice, why do they pierce me so? So cold, so frozen, so dead.
My eyes have died upon me, for they spent much time looking at images of lifelessness.
It took us a long time to get this far, I know you wanted to be here.You're not afraid, are you?
Well? Are you?
I promise you, I have no fear.
Where is that smile? I do not like the malicious twist on your face.
I apologize if you do not like my expression, my face is just taught well, never to lie.
Oh, it fades now, in to something more sinister.
I apologize if this disturbs you.
At least now your eyes and your smile match, like we do.
You really think we are for one another?
Oh, we match. We are perfection!
So you say. If I left you alone, now, you would stare at yourself for years, would you not?
Speak not these bitter words, or I shall have your tongue!
And my words be bitter, you say?
Against mine, that is.
And you think now is the time to express our feelings?
I shall have you in all your entire gloriousness, my magnificant Prince, against the entire magnificance of me.
Your vanity is ubiquitous. May I call you Princess?
Yes, you may call me Princess, I do not mind, for what could be the harm in that?
I do not name you so for the reasons you suspect, but for the point of your conceit in which you justified.
There you go with that hurtful vocal exression again.
I apologize, but my words are also taught never to tell lies.
Quickly, now, kiss me!
I'll kiss you, my vain beauty.
There, that did make you stop?
It made me stop to consider why I am here with you now.
I see a tear in the pit of your eye.
Yes, I can feel the tear forming, now. I apologize. You may remove it, but it is for you.
I will not whipe your emotions away. I shall let it fall in to the clear, crystal lake that serves as our mirror.
Our mirror? You think the lake exists solely to display our figures?
I could watch us forever, for we are so perfect.
I know you could watch for eternity, my vain beauty.
Where are our flaws?
I can see our imperfections, even if you are too inside yourself to notice. If I place my hand across your heart... I feel ice.
Don't be so quick to take your hands and indicate the parts of us, for they are flaws only to those that see them that way.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, love.
They always said, beauty was in the eye of the beholder. If we held their eyes, then we would be beautiful, for they see us as nothing but.
You'd choose to cause such suffering upon another to proove to me that we are a masterpiece? I knew your heart was cold, but I was sure it at least existed. Perhaps I was wrong, then.
You confuse me. Can you not see our grace?
Grace? I know a little of grace. A swan weilds grace, but we have nothing of that value.
We are like two swans, white and pure, softly dancing across the pretty lakes surface.
I could never compare us to something like that.
You do not feel so sure? Just look at us, my love! Just look, and tell me we are not perfect!
We are not perfect, love. Far from it, I trust. Or more, I should hope, for else I may deeply regret what I will do next.
Would you swear that on my life?
Of course, I would swear it gladly upon your life. But, oh, you never listen to me. Really, did you not here what I just spoke? You have grown so tedious, and you are not in the slightest attentive. How can I love thee if you are too busy with yourself to notice?
I'm sorry. They envied you for your outer skin, in all it's flawlessness. Smooth and beautiful, but utterly heartless. I cannot love thee.
I'm bleeding.
Now your body shall forever be displayed in the lakes clear reflection, as you would have it no other way. You may stare at yourself forever, my beauty, and perhaps you'll soon deteriate and decay and see that you would have been better off with a heartbeat all along.

Where have you been? (10/2/2008)

Raindrops falling like lava in to the sea,
A feeling of sanity washes over me.
Lava falling like raindrops in to your hands,
A feeing of clarity, we suddenly understand.
Puddles for the reflections of vampires,
A beetle-shell button to adorn your jacket.
We made these things.
The siren sings to the mirror.
Her monologue, her soliloquay.
Her suicide.

The dog barked just the other day at me,
A feeling of intensity washes over me.
The other day a dog just barked, standing there,
A feeling of serenity adjacent to your stare.
Vampires in the reflection of puddles,
A jacket adorned with a beetle-shell.
We broke these things.
The siren sings to the mirror.
Her monologue, her soliloquay.
Her suicide.

The softest breeze, so open your eyes
See it, touch it, as the ocean cries
Bacteria having a party in your bath,
migrating to skin, to nails, to mouth
Their disco music turned up so loud,
Dropping the surfer back in to the crowd,
A spiked drink, an unconcious disease
Taking over you in sweet release
The party's over, immune system breaks in...
You ask yourself "Where have you been?"

Mark, R.I.P 1991-2007

(Two poems for Mark I recently found. Written of Mark's tragic suicide).

FIVE YEARS. (9/8/08)

You were so young and beautiful
Why'd you have to ruin it all?
You took it.
And it changed.
And you couldn't go back.
Because you took it.
You didn't mean to.
You weren't given a choice.
But you took it from them,
Then took life from yourself.
And you made her pay for your mistakes.
How could you have known?
I know it's not your fault.
But she felt it too!
She took it too!
But she didn't paint her walls a filthy red!
That shade of red did not match the carpets!
You took it.
It didn't mean that much.
You made it feel like everything.
Five fucking years meant a lot!
You made it feel like nothing
I think you ruined your chance at life,
Taking it like a filthy knife,
Taking it inside of you...
Killing everything you knew.
And like blood, it bleeds from you.
It drowns us all, and murders you.
So why not take the fucking knife
And end the life you ruined that night?
You were so young and beautiful,
T'was a shame to see you fall.
Thinking back, how could I have known?
That five years could change so much?
That you could ruin so much?
That it would hurt so much....
She told you it was over, you didn't need to take it again.
You never told her your life was over!
She just had to wait!
Five fucking years!!
She waited for you for five fucking years!
She found you!
She lost you.
You left her!
She tried to follow!
But it wasn't the right shade of red.
Why'd you go and leave her?
Why'd you go and change everything?
Why'd you ruin life for her?
Why'd you take your own?
"Five years has gone so fast".
To which you replied
"My life is going faster".
Because that five years meant nothing?
It was five fucking years!
Five fucking years she waited.
For what?
For this?
It hurts so bad.
You took it.
You took it away.
You took it away from her, from yourself.
What choice did she have?
You'd taken a knife to yourself, and the damage was irrepairable!
You couldn't reverse the scars, the wounds would not close.
Five fucking years.
She waited for you.
She waited for this.
So before you play the blame game.
Take a good look in the mirror.
And tell me....
How could five years not mean a thing?
It means everything to me that it meant nothing to you.

Oh, Fuck. (9/8/08)

Scars are falling off your face,
Memories are unwinding,
Where are you now?
Is this what you call yourself?
Pitiful, pitiful.
Splitting the skin with the razor
and watching the vibrant red explode over and under your thoughts.
And as it streams in a thick red line down, down, down...
Dripping, dripping...
Make it stop, make it stop!
You did this to yourself!
You are all there is to blame!
Accept it, child. Accept it!
You are not wanted!
You are not loved!
Somebody out there is praying for the existance of your grave!
celebrate your deathday, celebrate like them!
Maybe then you will be them!
Oh, the thoughts.
Stop the thoughts!
Bleeding... So bright... So....Well is it!!? Is it really red or is your vision blurred!?
Struggle to breathe... Struggle, splutter, splutter...
Why not take a gun instead?
Better yet, speak to me!
That's right, I'm not there!
I'm not there, where am I instead?
Wallowing in self pity!?
It shouldn't have ended this way.
It should never have started at all!
What did they do!?
What have you done!?
What should I say to help you this time 'round?
Oh, please. Oh, please.
I can't breathe.
You won't breathe.
Splattered brains on white walls.
Red, crusting blood on frail, weak wrists.
Oh, fuck.
What now!?
What the fuck have you done!?
I'm too late, I'm too late!
But I didn't know!
How could I have known!?
Oh, please. Oh, please.
Take me from this scene.
Oh, fuck...Take my life away!
Pick up the gun... Do it... Do it... Did it.
Put it to your head... Do it... Do it...Did it.
Pull the trigger... Do it... Do it...

Monday, December 21, 2009

Thought loops.

I'm sure each of us has had an osession with fractals at some point, and surely heard Sam I Am's fractal lecture enough times to remember it word for word...
So I don't really need to explain fractals here.
In short, a complex mathematical equation, a pattern which repeats itself an infinite amount of times.
To explain just how far the fractals go, take a look at atoms. Between atoms, is space. And what is between planets?
Everything is a fractal, including thoughts.
And whilst smoking la ganja and watching Return To Oz, a thought hit me.

A thought fractal would be essentially a thought that repeats itself an infinite amount of times. ;D Acid loops.

Simply encountering a thought fractal will naturally bring about a thought loop.

Haven't figured out how a thought fractal comes to be, or how to avoid a loop, but eh. Makes perfect sense, but I'm sure this is already known but I'm still quite proud of myself.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

A disappointment.

I recently learned how it feels to disappoint a parent.

I freaked out, called Krys and begged her to come to me. Throwing all current plans away, she rushed to me, but first had to explain to her parents why I needed her so bad at such late hours of the eve in order for her to come.

Naturally, her conservative folks have no clue of LSD, and first suggested an ambulance. Lol. thank fuck Krys knows what she's doing! That could've turned out baaaaad.

But anyways, so they now know of my drug escapades and are so disappointed in me. I feel... guilty and bad. :/

I have to face them tomorrow night and I'm going to feel so fucking awkward, Imma have no clue what to say to them.

Honestly, I don't know how she copes!

But it's still kind of nice that they care about me, haha. It's kinda as if they've adopted me into theor family. I'm touched, but I feel like shit knowing they know what a fuck-up I am.

Never before in my life have I felt bad about taking drugs. :/ I just viewed the whole thing in an entirely new light.

Coincedentally, I just finished reading Go Ask Alice. My thoughts on it were 'man, if her conservative parents were more accepting drugs and shit, Alice would've been able to talk to them and never would of ended up running off and fucking up so much shit'.

I know how Krys feels. ;_;

split, crack, split, crack go the broken hearts.

You'd been in the pit for hours, and now you approach me, telling me if she wasn't here by sundown, you'd kill yourself. I stood shocked in the semi-rain, my heart cracking. I didn't know what do do, but I knew I had to do it. For you, because, all that I do is for you.
Through the city, time at my heels, the sun with it's evil grin as it began to slip behind the edge of the world, my world. I wanted to cry, but this was no time fo sorrows. Begging people to direct me to her, begging people to show me some way of contacting her.
And he was with me, just like he sat with me when I first saw you several months back and cried for hours, just like he knew what was best for me and kept me away from you that night when you howled in the pit, and he told me "you don't want to see this", expecting the worst.
He's been with me for the worst of times, and all the best. And it makes me wonder... where are you when my heart is bleeding on the loungeroom floor, crying for you? Sure as hell, he's there, and she's there, like she was there when I needed her most, coming to me in the middle of the night just to be sure I was okay, forgetting everything to be there for me.
Where are you when I'm singing out my love of everything, acid grin in place? She's there, holding my hand, and he's there, playing with my hair, but where are you?

You're in my head, and in my heart, but you're never in my arms, not at my best, not at my worst, not when my whole world is crumbling and I rock back and fourth in a corner, unable to speak anything but your name, blanks in my memory, all the world worried for me, even the angels losing sleep.
You just... don't... care anymore.
Not like you did when we first met, and you said you believed in love at first sight. You made me so important, and I made you my everything.
I stood by you, defended your ass when everyone accused of such dirty things, I forgave you for everything you ever did, and I held your hand whilst you lost your mind, I made time to see you, make sure you were okay, while everyone else judged me for it.

I don't know what happened, I don't know when you stopped loving me, but I know for sure what it feels like to have a broken heart.

And still, after all of this, I love you endlessly. For all your flaws, and all your mistakes, and all the shit you put me through, and for all the times you were never there, and still aren't... And I still love you hopelessly.

And I will wait... Because there's nothing else to do. I will wait 'til you remember how much I meant to you, wait 'til you realise no one in this world will ever love you as much as I do. No one ever could.

And yet, you still don't care.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The seeds we planted.

Demon, demon, on my shoulder.
Tell me, am I getting older?
Is there progression in procrastination?
I feel I've spent many years just laughing.
I have learned, and grown I have,
but my guides are leaving and I have no map.
And I can't do it on my own.
And where do I fight, without a home?
It's walls are crumbling, within demons sleep,
their filth seeps out into the streets.
The streets now dirty, where I once played,
Sometimes I wish I could've stayed.
Let go of my principles, and just stayed strong.
I'm sure I'll get it together before too long.
I fell in love, with a demon for sure.
He is a man of many flaws.
While outside I'm singing, smiling, beaming.
Inside I'm dying, bleeding, screaming.
I can never remember just how I felt.
Insanity greets me as my brain starts to melt.
Drugs, delusions and the rest.
I feel I'm being put to the test.
But I no longer am on my own.
The task is easier when I'm not alone.
I've discovered true friendship, something new to me.
And as the wool is lifted, I begin to see.
I stand ground for what I truely believe,
and though there are wounds in the soles of my feet,
I march on, to go out in guts and glory.
I march 'til the very end of my story.
And though they are many, and we are few,
from the seeds that we planted, the revolution grew.
Demon, demon in my my mind,
help me recover more of my kind,
help us to end this procrastination,
and set us on ther path to our ascension.

Sunday, December 13, 2009


A God has invited me to cause chaos in the eastern states.
An angel has invited me to save trees down south.
An old friend has invited me to be the princess of the place up north.


I don't know what to do.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

White Rabbit.

Everyone is out to get me.
I am not safe.
I can trust no one, for everyone is a demon.
They want to skin me.
Thursday 28th of some month is my glorious downfall.
'Til then, I tremble like a rabbit.
I will dig a hole and hide within until they go away.
With only the demons of Time and Knowledge on my side, I am so terribly frightened.
Trust no one. Do not blink. Be wary of glitches and laz0rz.
Even sleep offers no safety.
Find him.
Please hold me.
I don't know if you want to hurt me, but I trust your decisions...
Scared white rabbit, late for a very important date.
21 12 2012.
I am late.
They want my skin.
Time fucked me over. Knowledge lied.
Please hold me.
My walls are crumbling.
She wants to kill me most of all. She is laying a trap.
Doesn't it hurt to be black and evil?
I hurt.
Knowledge, Time, My All, My Teacher. Please guide me.
I am late for a very important date.
21 12 2012.

Monday, December 7, 2009

We didn't start the fire.

Harry Truman, Doris Day, Red China, Johnnie Ray
South Pacific, Walter Winchell, Joe Di Maggio
Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, television
North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe
Rosenbergs, H-Bomb, Sugar Ray, Panmunjom
Brando, "The King and I", and "The Catcher in the Rye"
Eisenhower, vaccine, England's got a new queen
Marciano, Liberace, Santayana goodbye

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Josef Stalin, Malenkov, Nasser and Prokofiev
Rockefeller, Campanella, Communist Bloc
Roy Cohn, Juan Peron, Toscanini, Dacron
Dien Bien Phu Falls, Rock Around the Clock
Einstein, James Dean, Brooklyn's got a winning team
Davy Crockett, Peter Pan, Elvis Presley, Disneyland
Bardot, Budapest, Alabama, Khrushchev
Princess Grace, Peyton Place, Trouble in the Suez

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Little Rock, Pasternak, Mickey Mantle, Kerouac
Sputnik, Chou En-Lai, Bridge On The River Kwai
Lebanon, Charles de Gaulle, California Baseball,
Starkwether, Homicide, Children of Thalidomide
Buddy Holly, Ben Hur, Space Monkey, Mafia
Hula Hoops, Castro, Edsel is a no-go
U2, Syngman Rhee, payola and Kennedy
Chubby Checker, Psycho, Belgians in the Congo

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Hemingway, Eichmann, Stranger in a Strange Land,
Dylan, Berlin, Bay of Pigs invasion
Lawrence of Arabia, British Beatlemania
Ole Miss, John Glenn, Liston beats Patterson
Pope Paul, Malcolm X, British Politician sex
J.F.K. blown away, what else do I have to say

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Birth control, Ho Chi Minh, Richard Nixon back again
Moonshot, Woodstock, Watergate, punk rock
Begin, Reagan, Palestine, Terror on the airline
Ayatollah's in Iran, Russians in Afghanistan
Wheel of Fortune, Sally Ride, heavy metal, suicide
Foreign debts, homeless Vets, AIDS, Crack, Bernie Goetz
Hypodermics on the shores, China's under martial law
Rock and Roller cola wars, I can't take it anymore

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning since the world's been turning.
We didn't start the fire
But when we are gone
It will still burn on, and on, and on, and on...

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Level 48 Wizatrd.

I have encountered many of my Great Teachers and personal Guides.
I have grown greatly, experience and education have made me strong and ready.
I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.
Wake up, wake up, wake up.
Keep telling yourself that, but will you wake up?
I am not a failure, I rarely make a mistake, and I have no regrets.
I think I'm ready, but I can't tell for sure.
Luckily, patience is one of my many virtues.

Now is the time where we must end this time of thinking and discussing a whole lot, but never actually doing anything.
We must combine consciousness and realise we all have a similar goal. Different beliefs, different motivation, but we are one.
We must learn to recognise our own flaws, dispose of our arrogance. We must learn to recognise our good points, dispose of this endless self-loathing.

I thank every being, and the entirety of the universe for getting me this far, and now it is my turn.
I vow now to end all selfish ways of thinking, to not look at things so personally, but to view them on a universal scale.

I will let go and move on from what holds me back, even if it hurts. No pain, no gain.

We must regroup, reunite.

We are in this together, 'til the end.

Enough of this materialistic earth. Onwards, for we've never been satisfied.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

I have forgiven your flaws, mistakes.

I will not, can not, be broken. My fire is NOT out yet, and it will burn long with the strength of love and anger.

Do not hate those incapable of love, shock them.

Pride is a sin, never forget.

But universal love is an achievement.

I do love unconditionally, I do, I do.

Friday, December 4, 2009

LSD 123 Dine with me!

Lsd whiped my vocab clean.

I could still understand what was being said by those around me, but my mind was so distant, thinking on a greater scale, that focusing on responding verbally was so unimportant and distracting, and above all, I couldn't do it.
At first, everything I said contained the words 'doof party in the bush, bus, dub, douche'. And that was it. Eventually, the people I was with at the time tried to direct my speech flow, giving me words that I would repeat, and remember using and happily add it to my speech.
Krys was worried for, as usual, her concern immense. I, however, was quite happy conciously. Eventually, I discovered a technique to help me expand my vocab. Word association games.
'Doof party in the bush - flap your wings! - Sam I Am - Fractals - LSD - doof party in the bush! '
'Douche - Yinyang - Phoenix - oldhouse - Rasta - Ganja - Doof party in the bush!'
Continued getting into loops, ecause doofs somehow relate to everything. >.<

I even forgot my friends names. Pickle became 'bush', the Asian kid and Kieren were both 'douche', Krys was 'dub', and I myself was 'Bus'.
Krys tried to correct this.

"Who's that?"
"Who's that?"

"Who's that?"
"Keiren douche"

"Who's that?"
"Actually, I can't help you, I don't know the Asian kids name either :3"

-Pointing to herself-
"Who's that?"
"Who's that?"
"Dub Krys"

-Pointing to me-
"Who are you?"
"Who are you?"
"Bus bus bus bus!"
"Ferret bus!"

At some point on the bus, the Asian kid chatting away happened to mention 'aw nu bru'.
My face lit up at that. "Aw nu bru!" I beamed, happily.

She taught me how to say 'hey', so I'd have something to say to her mother. However, seemed a bit rude when, storming out of the room, her mother asking 'are you okay?' and me responding with 'hey'. She was quite offended, actually. Awwww shiiiit!

I bounced around shouting irrelevant things, and about two hours later, got into quite a trife mood, calling everyone and everything 'simple minded filth', repeating something about 'tick, tock, tick, tock, that is your deathclock' and 'Hypocrisy at it's finest', just generally mocking everyone and being a condescending cunt. :D

Was quite an interesting experiment. I didn't know I could reprogram my entire vocab in two hours, or say all the cool things I said when I was all cunty and shit. Wish I'd written some of the speeches I made down. Clever cunt is clever.

Haha, the shit LSD will do. <3

Nevermind that, all in all, Krys's friend thinks I'm completely insane even without acid. I just grin and assure him I am his future, a warning to all aspiring trippers.