Sunday, May 31, 2009

I want to dance with you fire, fuck my human form.

I realize I have no respect for human beings. Filth.
"I'd fuck a dead chick, it's a human corpse, I don't care what I do to people".
Yet I still manage to have espect for every other living thing on this planet.
"Actually, it's a rabbit corpse, which means it's dead, therefor it does not want for anything, so it does not want to be on his face, and since I respect this, I shall respect it's resting place".
Probably due to the fact that human beings view themselves above everything else, place their own kind as Gods and sneer at the rest of the world, naming everything as their own.
"Don't you fucking kill it! It's a part of the doof!".
My respect for dogs is wavering, however. I mean, I love dogs, I admire their loyalty and such, but why love humans? Humans who made your ancestors into tools? They have reduced you to a quivering, pathetic fur-thing who knows only to obey.

I got myself into a bit of a loop.
Surprisingly, I remember more of this trip than any other. Maybe because I haven't really slept yet, or possibly because I tried so damn hard all night to remember the things I figured out. And whilst experiencing the whole episode wasn't all that fun, remembering it gives me time to think things over and understand better what things I made up and what things I discovered.
I remember why I don't want to take acid anymore, because pretty much as soon as I have and the fun has worn off, I shy away from the things I'm being shown and get scared.
I remember, also, why I continue to take it. Because nothing bad ever happens. Sure, I may be THINKING about killing myself whilst wondering if I'm already dead, but I always come out of it feeling like I know something that nobody else does. And that feeling is refreshing.
I know also, that in order to really remember anything, you must experience, and so to grasp the whole picture of what happened during your trip, you must trip again. Of course, things never turn out quite the same.

I saw a lot in people I liked and didn't like, my idea of some of them has changed slightly. I sat by the fire, toying with the heat, the smoke, the flames and bending them while I tried to remember what was so important about anything I was worried about. And in all, nothing. I didn't give a fuck if I'd knocked over someones beer, I really didn't. And I didn't NEED to find my friend, I just wanted to. I knew he was fine and that I'd see him later, I was just distracting myself in order to get to the point.

I also had the strangest idea, that I couldn't think. Couldn't create images, coudn't remember clearly, couldn't target my thoughts. It was so blank, I was sure I was dead.

And of course, whilst debating over whether or not our minds had changed, "Oly your perception has changed", which threw me off balance and had me trying to figure that out for the rest of the night.

Time consumes. Time bends. Time stalls. Time skips. Time waits. Time is a demon. I know it.

It seemed like sleep was the only option, forcing myself to submit to logic. "You're not enjoying yourself, so just fucking go to sleep". By now, I was fairly certain I was not dead, would wake up if I slept, and that my trip would end. But the fire was so warm, and she was so beautiful. The light of everything.

Grey fields in the morning. Like a peice of Exitland on Earth. It was beautiful. Rabbit corpses, Chai-tea gremlin skulls and animal prints everywhere, a fucking graveyard. When she left, I wandered around with my favortite pothead. "Do you have any cigarettes?" "I only have three left" "I know you do, but I was going to ask anyway, so then you'd only have two". Basked in the sunlight, talking to an angel who spoke soft, friendly, saying things that even in my anti-social state, were vastly interesting.

It ends with three things.
Fear vs. Knowledge.
Human vs. Dooflands.
Television vs. Campfires.


  1. nice.

    You'd make a good student (especially because of what you say in paragraphs 2 & 3)

    ps: hee hee fire ban season's over :D

  2. That 'angel' of yours...
    Oh man are you not going to be pleased with how that turns out.

    You see him again, and you become really good friends for several years! You even move in together!

    You end up throwing him out after some hectic shit, and it is one of the most painful things you've ever done.

    So yeah.

    Have fun with that shit.