Monday, February 2, 2009

Little worm

If any worm deserved to lay in sands of his own blood, it was him. Sickening, the filth these people bring in to each others lives.
She makes her upgrades, too smart for them all and far too beautiful to not get what she wants. She just can't decide what it is she desires. While he suddenly gets a dose of his own medicine, watching one he loves melt in his hands, and he admits that he laid with another, but oh, boys will be boys. It's his sense of power. He needs to make them fall in love with him, or else he feels like he has no control. And now, he has no control, for she did not crave his company. Instead, she broke his power-thirsty and attention-seeking heart for the heart of another. A far more wise choice. The one she chose is a brutal mass of intelligence, more fitting. He does not have that 'you seriously need to shut the fuck up' factor, which is amazing un-annoying, and his speeches do not always start with 'well, actually'. Not that I have too much against her previous lover, but certianly he was no match for her.
On the other hand, we have a brutally intelligent man. The man we can all look up to and respect, the complete hypocritical asshole you just can't help but love. It's difficult to not worship the man. And he knows that we look up to him. And so, when he has his heart shattered, feels the need to smash a certain someones face in to a million peices, he tries to stand proud, not let it show how hurt he is, but it isn't hard to see how he's falling apart inside. Why did she do it? I think I know, it was a long-term infatuation. But how can he be so ready to forgive and bring her back in to his arms? I think I know, it's love. And so while I may finally see something that is a little pathetic in this man, something cruel in this female, and something repulsive in this douchebag, it's not my place. I will stand aside and watch things for a while, though I've never been a fan of soaps. The over-the-top drama always seems a little too unrealistic. How can reality be unrealistic???
The person I hates so much I coul not stand to even be in sight of him is now my best friend, the big brother I found is now going to prison as soon as he turns himself in, the bitch who broke my fucking nose won't leave me alone, the annoying douchebag who jumped in my life is stalking me and insulting me, while not being able to listen and learn from anyone for he feels they are putting him down. Oh, I wouldn't put him down if he would take the time to listen to me ands learn a thing or two without breaking down and attaching himself to me like a fucking parasite! And if he wants to socialize with the people I am aquainted with, he really needs to get the fuck over himself, shut the fuck up and take a lesson. These people will not put up with ignorance.
The person I chase after and plan to give myself to shows no interest what-so-ever, while every other fucking being on the planet is constantly tugging at my pants. I'm losing my mind, I'm currently homeless and becoming the annoying peice of shit that scabs things off everybody and won't look for a job. If I had a stable home, I'd get a job. Fuck that, if I had a stable home I'd be in school studying physics.
All I'm studying is other people and my mind through the wonders of LSD. I have a problem with everyone, obviously, it's all too much fucking drama and I can't be myself until I take a seat in a quiet place, stretch my fingers over the keyboard and type shit out. It's a fabtastic feeling to finally be myself after a day of acting and observing.
I really need to trip balls. No addiction to acid? Maybe so, but I'm addicted to self-study. And that causes me to become addicted to the very best method of learning about yourself. Motherfucking LSD.
I need to get one on one. I need people to read this, figure out who I am and then confront me, and be honest with me. Honesty is so brilliant. Explore your own head, and everyone elses and you will never be bored. I'm figuring you all out. It's rather simple, I have a connection. Do not try and deny it, because whether it's factual or not, I'm still capable of it. I will diagnose you, file you and set you aside for future references. But will you ever be able to do the same for me? I had someone attempt it the other day, and got me so terribly wrong. But then, I kind of figured that perhaps he was right when I couldn't actually figure myself out for myself. But, judging by the person I've picked him out to be, he wouldn't know shit. He's an utter douchebag, ask anyone. :)
Anyways, I've let out more than I cam here to do, so I'll most likely have to do another blog so I can expell the shit on my mind without mixing it too much with these studies.


  1. I'm not sure i agree with your description of me, and although i can't change your mind, i can try to talk to you.
    You are indeed a fantastic observer.
    But you don't know me well enough to say i wasn't good enough for her.
    Intelligence isn't everything, he admitted so himself, as he apologised for what happened and explained that in the end the girl will do as she likes and choose who she wants.
    I am indeed ripped away from any control over the situation.

    You know, you're right, i AM unworthy.
    This was karma. You maybe, were my karma personified.
    All i have left to say is, I'm sorry, and i get it. I want you to know, i'm not rotten to the core, i swear. I'm just as messed up as she is, and i guess i can handle having the roles reversed on me and being left behind only because i've done it several times too, but i'm not as rude as i clearly seemed to you, i'm humble enough to hear what you say and accept it, for the greater part. I'm amazed at how well you observed, while i didn't have anything more than a vague suspicion you were hiding it all under the surface.
    I just wish it hadn't turned out this way, and i think my lesson's learnt.
    I guess i should thank you, but considering how much it still hurts, especially living it again reading about how he's a "far better choice"... i can't exactly get the words out.

  2. Dude, no. This was aggressive as fuck. Not even that true. I thought I was waaaaaay smarter than I was.

    Man, I am so freakin' embarrassed by this crap. XD