Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Sobriety & Sleep-Deprivation

Dear bloggery. (I would suggest not to read this, as is merely myself, very sober and 6 days near sleepless, recording my troubles so I can review them when I am in a more off chops, rested state).

Insomnia has some strange effects on my old self. I just can't seem to sleep, but I'm not really awake enough to function properly.
It does however give me a more accurate understanding of an individuals psychology, which has been helpful. Also, maybe the sleep-deprivation, or maybe the Change itself, but I'm having this magical ability to make my thoughts manifest into reality directly before me.
I also am falling a little off balance. I have not eaten LSD for over a month, I have been drunk once this month, high once. Sobriety doesn't agree with me.
I'm also having a lot of sex. Too much, for my liking, it is messing with my pride meter. I don't REGRET any of the people I have slept with, but I do not wish for sex just for lust, it disturbs me greatly, and so far, I have only fucked friends or people I had infatuation for.
I feel I might change.
I also discovered I can be an easily deceived BITCH. Honestly. I have been a total CUNT lately, and I don't like myself this way. I think it IS the sleep-deprivation and not that I am utterly losing the self I worked so hard to build.
I also think, since most of my hard-worked character came from using LSD to alter myself for the better, ad since it's been the longest break I've had since I first took the shit... I may be... Becoming sane again.
I hate that.
One thing this sober, sleep-deprived state has done for me is heightened my concentration. I can actually pay attention, gather information, and watch the pieces fall into place.

I so need Acid and Sleep.

1 comment:

  1. nobody *needs* acid

    hat way lies madness

    what you need is the mental, spitirual and emotional therapy that acid shortcuts you through. the same can be found with a couple of close friends you haven't seen in a long time, some cigarettes, wine and a sunset.

    the drug is only a vehicle for the lessons we inevitably learn ourselves ones way or the other - a way to smooth out the wrinkles in our theories and distribes, and to give some great theatrical dramatic credence to our wild eyed and raw-nerved deliverences...

    fuck that was a good comment. brb blogging that shit ^.^