The little rabbit. She's suffocating in the drible society spits, and she's forgotten how to swim. Theyre all in too much panic to help her out of the water and I'm scared to tell her, I'm not her teacher, her friend, her mother, her lover. I'm not as all-knowing as I sometimes feel. In fact, I know nothing about anything.
"Admit it now while you still can".
Okay, I'm an idiot, and a hypocrite, a manipulative bitch and a peice of shit.
Done.
"But that's not all".
Enough with the negativity, brain! I've heard slash seen enough in the past few days, Im quite content for now.
...
I breathed for him. I knew nothing of what to do. I was terrified, but they didn't seem to care. And I spoke to his semi-concious form as he drooled and twitched, choking, flailing. All I could do was shed a tear and suddenly, start hoping, praying.
So funny, I believe not in any form of God, and I despise science, yet I suddenly, though Im still aware of how much I believe NOT, always turn to one of the two in desperate situations. Does this prove I am insecure and need a higher being or an intelligent book to guide me through?
Maybe I'm unsure of what I believe in.
"Keep an open mind"
I am, I am, but at the moment I wish for you to SHUT YOUR FUCKING FACE.
Stop interrupting me!
I'm busy ranting.
...
A cold night, surrounded by silence in someone elses home, while he bends and twists between fluro lights and loses his previous state of mind to little peices of poison candy. He was waiting so long, I never waited for this. I didnt care for this, but nor would I care for beats of havoc and a diluted mind.
I want the enhanced mind, bring it to me. Maybe I'm looking to hard, and maybe LSD is playing tricks on me.
However.
The heart-heart-heart plans on spoiling me the day I graduate from childhood and become a legal adult. Less than a month, but so many days til I inhale spirituality.
You may declare I'm not ready, but who the fuck ARE you but a flea?
...
The days are getting more pathetic. I watch her turn insane and I long to scream at them all, too, let them know just how fucking worthless they are. But I hold back, because I need them for a little while longer. Besides, as much as I hate them for being human, I love them. I couldn't express the hate without having to even it up again, so why not just shut the fuck up and it all stays how I want it to be?
Lets all accept it's coming. You can feel the change, Im sure. And so, you know something is going to happen. I despise the burning sensation in my chest and the slow on-coming of each second as it spirals down, back in to the Devil's pit.
...
And Im sorry I'm not a good listener. Im sorry I'm 'failing' to accept everything you've ever told me. But please, don't think I havent learned from you, from everyone. I just think I may be right about certain things, and though I'll consider what you say, the time my mind has to mull over a certain thing, I come up with far better points than you can in a few lines over the internet.
I know you feel that I'm 'getting there, just need to listen more'. I know you feel that you've 'all been there before, we're over that now'. But believe me, you were never at this stage, and I'll never get to your stage, for we, though some would disagree, are different people, seperate minds.
And though, as of late, I've found synchronization within dreams, you still can't see ME as I see me, and I will never see YOU as you see you.
You think I have nothing to teach? You think because my knowledge doesn't come from the books of another, that what I have to say isn't valid? Well, those books you study, the people who came up with those theories thought for themselves, at least to an extent. Sure, they listened and considered...
But... Well. I like philosophy, and if you cared to listen to ME like you so blindly listened to THEM... You'd see I do have something to teach.
You are no better than me. You are to you, as I am to me, but neither of us is right. Never just one side to the story, friend. Please try and understand I'm not as innocent, helpless and thoughtless as I may appear.
...
To sum it all up, shit is getting hectic. I don't wish to help or save anymore, I'm sick of being tossed aside. You do not want my advice/help, I can not/will not force it on you, and so, since the FUCKING MAJORITY RULES ( though its the minority thatcarries the ides), I choose to leave it and bask in my arrogance for a little while, then have a giggle at your stupidity, then realize...
Every time I'm angry, I think I'm right!
I'll admit to my idiocy again when I'm in a better mood.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
You're right.
ReplyDeleteThere are many unspoken understandings here.
And though we think we know them, sometimes we need to put them in words for each other to make CERTAIN the headspaces are meeting, not just overlapping.
To this effect,
We all listen to you, at least Nicotene.razorblade does.
You've probably got a place in the publication of New Psyentist, if you even want it.
You are indeed a teacher and philosopher just like those great men with great books, but never stop learning, reaching, searching and seething.
You could easily be a teacher, but just not yet. For now you're a student, no matter how unfair it feels. I know the pain, the frustration of that. But once you convince the teachers that you know everything they have to teach, that's the only point after which you can say what's been held inside for such a long time. It's why we join the system. To someday rise above it, learn all it's rules, only after that can we change them.
This whole system is someone else's idea. We just join the loop until it spins us to it's greatest height, then we jump off before it starts to spin back down towards the start, towards the ground.
When you want to write the rules,
Never forget that one day you MUST write the rules.
But never walk into a dark room and start yelling at it, telling it where it's walls should be. Not only is it probably empty, or may the walls be already where you said they should be (but they rarely are)
Instead turn the light on, and once you figure out where the switch is, you can lead the blind.
Such clarity - behind this scanner.
ReplyDeleteAnd yet, the person I see every day is naught but a child.
Ghostwriter? Ghostwalker? Speak the way you type and you might just make something of yourself. Take your neuroses out of the picture and grow a steel skin.
Welcome to the apocalypse. Enjoy your stay,
"When you want to write the rules,
ReplyDeleteNever forget that one day you MUST write the rules.
But never walk into a dark room and start yelling at it, telling it where it's walls should be"
That, there, is absolutely brilliant.
Past me, on the other hand...
Listen, past me, EVERYONE thinks they're right when they're angry. It's called passion. It doesn't mean you fucking ARE.
You sound so ridiculous. It's almost comical. Fuck, it IS comical. You're like some weird caricature in a book titled 'IT'S NOT FAIR - My life on drugs'.
Ahaha, that is EXACTLY what you are.
Do you know what is really cute, past me? Oh, you're going to be REAL mad. Science? Faith? YOU ARE SO INTO BOTH OF THEM. Hahaha. You're going to university tomorrow, where you be all sciencey and shit, and you LOVE it. You force-feed people that shit. And then you pray to your gods EVERY night!
AHAHAHA. Suck shit, past me.