Thursday, April 9, 2009
The edge of the mind.
Inside, crumbling in the ashtray. Something happened, I found the cure, now I'm getting sick again. Mental addiction. I'm going to end up like my lover, aren't I? I thought I was so right... But I've gone wrong. Knock me out of this Godfeeling, it isn't me. Pure, hand-flapping guinea-pig genius. I think I need help, but there's no such thing. I lost everyone I ever cared about, and anyone who ever cared about me by escaping what I thought was so bad, but it was total bliss. Pause time, and watch it all and see how I did it, find the cracks before I slip through. I don't want to die, but I'm not sure I can escape it. Life is some oldschool game with no checkpoints, He could tell me all about that. I think that is where I went wrong. Rambling, no idea what I'm going to write next, and I want to stop, it's hurting me everytime I read something and feel I should delete it. Not so far away now, but I've realized I'm not even ready. Holy shit, I wish I could back out. I wish I had listened. I don't want this anymore... But then, I don't want anything. Just me, maybe my lover, for one last moment... Then I'm through. Find me, I'm missing, have you seen this girl? DO I EVEN EXIST ANYMORE? Dreaming of supermarkets and the circulating lies, as if I've done something wrong. I never did anything wrong by anyone else, unless it was a mistake, but then, I am the biggest mistake I ever made. WHAT IS THIS? 'Hi, I hope all's okay'. Little tramp. Cuntscab. Fall off the edge of the world and drown in my anger. You're the only person I hate more than myself.